


i won't be vacant anymore

by gracezodiac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Final Battle, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8488141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracezodiac/pseuds/gracezodiac
Summary: Hux realises the battle is lost, but he already knew that was coming.
What he doesn't expect is for Ren to show up again, like he'd never left.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovely people! day 6 of angst november: i once loved you
> 
> this is a pretty heavy fic but it does have a happy ending (sort of)! this is in the same universe as loyalties, so there is more story after this fic ends! (more info/spoilers in the end notes)
> 
> warnings: hux is very suicidal in this fic, he talks about wanting to die throughout (he does not actually commit suicide but its a pretty big theme). also implied abuse/torture by snoke 
> 
> title is taken from this is the last time by the national!
> 
> so without further ado, here we go!

Nobody moved when Hux first gave the order to leave. The bridge staff turned to stare at him, as though he couldn't be serious. They all knew they were losing the battle, but they'd expected to go down with their ship, as Hux would. And yet here he was, commanding they left.

 

“You've done yourselves a valuable service. Now go.”

 

There was a flurry of movement as they stood up from their stations, heading towards the door. Most left instantly, nodding at Hux as they vanished. Mitaka was one of the last to go, feeling himself being tugged along by Unamo. But as they were about to leave, Mitaka looked back to see Hux unmoving. He'd thought... Well he'd thought the command was for all of them.

 

“Sir?” He called out, wincing at the sound of a ship exploding from just outside the viewport. Unamo had stopped pulling at him too, just as surprised to see Hux staying behind.

 

“I thought I gave you an order Lieutenant.”

 

It didn't contain his usual brashness, although for the whole battle he'd sounded unlike himself. Like he was just going through the motions, which Mitaka wasn't sure how to interpret.

 

“Go Dopheld.” He said, and suddenly it became painfully clear what he was doing.

 

Even now at the end, Mitaka found himself saluting. “It's been an honour working with you sir.” He stammered out, knowing this would be the last time he ever saw the General. Hux nodded back at him, watching as Unamo saluted too, before grabbing Mitaka's arm and dragging him from the room, leaving Hux alone on the bridge.

 

Hux crossed the room to stand by the viewport, watching as the chaos outside began to swindle down as the Resistance took out more and more of their ships. He'd already been informed that all ground troops had either been captured or killed. All that was left was the fleet, but they had fallen to twenty percent before Hux had dismissed his crew. They were going to lose, and the First Order would be defeated.

 

Hux had never felt so relieved.

 

He looked down at the planet below with a distant smile, the alarms from the Finalizer blaring all around him along with the hideous sound of metallic screeching, and yet none of it seemed to register. For once he felt completely calm, despite everything he'd worked towards crumbling down around him. He couldn't really bring himself to care. But then again, he'd stopped caring a long time ago... When Ren had disappeared, everything seemed to just stop.

 

Hux wasn't a fool. He knew where he'd gone. He didn't need Snoke to tell him, the note on the pillow on the cold side of the bed was enough.

 

He'd felt so betrayed at the time. They had so many plans together, they were going to have the galaxy in their hands, they'd rule over it as Emperor and Knight, they'd take down Snoke and they'd be invincible. Hux should have known it was too good to be true.

 

He'd felt numb after that. Snoke was particularly cruel, and naturally ever mishap was Hux's personal responsibility and Snoke made sure to punish him for any and every misgiving. But none of it mattered anymore, not when the end was finally here and Hux was going to find peace at last.

 

He wondered if Ren was fighting on the planet's surface. Or perhaps he was in one of the ships, since he claimed he was such a good pilot. Not that Hux had ever believed him, since Ren had a habit of bigging up everything he did, but with the genes, Hux supposed there might have been an ounce of truth in it.

 

Or maybe he wasn't even there. Maybe he was at the Citadel, taking Snoke down. Hux presumed the bastard was dead, since he hadn't received any sort of communication from him. Good, Hux thought. He hoped it was painful and that he had to choke on his own blood.

 

Either way, it was out of Hux's hands. All he had to do now was wait, either the ship would blow up or Resistance members would board the ship and shoot him on sight. If they tried to bring him in alive, Hux had a blaster tucked away that he'd turn on himself before they could get to him. He did not plan to survive this.

 

It wasn't until now, as he stood waiting for his death that he realised just how long he'd wanted it. Everything the Order stood for, everything he'd wanted to do for the galaxy fell away in front of him when Starkiller fired. He hadn't created order, he'd only added to the chaos and turned everything to dust. That wasn't what he'd envisioned from himself, and of course it had only gotten worse from there on out.

 

He was tired. Tired at looking from one casualty report to the next, always calculating their losses as the Order and the Resistance took hits, whittling the other down. It just seemed so pointless, and when he'd taken his place on the bridge earlier that day at the start of the battle and realised they weren't going to win he'd felt so happy, to know that it would be finally coming to an end – it didn't matter that they would lose because it would be over at long last.

 

He wondered how Ren would react to his death, if they'd even bother to tell him although why would they? Unless Ren told him about the true nature of their relationship, which Hux severely doubted. It was such a shame he vanished when he did. Hux had just realised he was in love with him.

 

It was all meaningless now, what he'd felt for Ren. It was his own fault for getting too close, for letting someone see him like that. He knew it would be a mistake, and it was. It could have only ended in heartbreak, he wasn't sure why he was so surprised that it did. He though he'd learned long ago, when he'd been taken away from this mother that love was a weakness to be exploited. And yet he'd seen all the signs and ignored them, sought out Ren's company instead of pushing him away because he was weak, and it felt so good when Ren had touched him like that...

 

There was a faint pressure in his head all of a sudden, searching and eerily familiar. Hux didn't need to think about it to know what it was, or rather who it was. Of course Ren would show up now, because he could never let him have any resemblance of peace. Wouldn't even let him spend his final moments alone with his ship, he had to come and ruin it. Typical.

 

When he heard Ren step foot onto the bridge he turned around to look at him and he forgot to breathe for a moment. He'd hardly changed at all... The robes were different, but they were still black. Still had his messy hair. Still had the scar which Hux had spent many nights tracing his fingertips over and kissing as Ren shivered beneath him.

 

He felt himself move towards him and start saying words, but he wasn't sure what they were. In his head all he could think about was Ren and everything they could have had together. He'd spent so long being angry about how he'd abandoned him, but seeing him now for the first time in so long, all that anger faded away. Instead in it's place was acceptance, that things weren't supposed to work out for them this time. Maybe in another life they'd find each other again, and maybe they wouldn't be so miserable. Maybe it would all work out. But for this life, it was the end. Hux realised this, and accepted it, knowing there was nothing else they could have done.

 

He gave Ren his final request. Ren looked so shocked and horrified upon hearing it that it made Hux wonder whether he regretted leaving him, if it had broken his heart too. It was too late now to go back and change things, and Hux pleaded that Ren do this one last thing for him, if he'd ever given a damn.

 

_I loved you once_ , Hux thought, not knowing if Ren could hear, _and if you kill me I will love you again._

 

He felt himself reach for Ren's lightsaber and point it at his own chest. He knew this was what had happened when Ren had killed his father, and as much as it pained him to put him through this again, he was so ready to die. He knew Ren would move on eventually, the Light would guide him, as Hux was sure it had been doing over the past year. He would have his family to take care of him, he would never be alone, not like Hux was. He'd be okay.

 

He let his eyes slip shut and prepared himself for oblivion.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hux does not die!!!! ren doesn't kill him, instead he knocks him unconscious and hides him away on an unknown planet (and that is where the plot of loyalties comes in)
> 
> wow this was hard for me to write but its here! so there we go
> 
> i cannot guarantee i will get days 7 & 8 done but i do have day 9 already written so stay tuned for more angst!!!
> 
> and as always you can find me at [skywalkeraesthetics](http://www.skywalkeraesthetics.tumblr.com)


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